“For if you forgive other people when they sin against you, your heavenly Father will also forgive you. But if you do not forgive others their sins, your Father will not forgive your sins.” — Matthew 6:14-15
An old Egyptian story tells how in a Coptic monastery, a prideful young monk felt he deserved more dates from the palm trees than his companions. When the abbot gave him fewer, he grew resentful and decided to leave the monastery. As he walked, he saw a vision of Jesus with the crown of thorns and heard him say, “If I can forgive those who put me on this cross, can you not forgive a perceived snub over some dates?” The monk, humbled, returned, and asked for forgiveness from the abbot and his fellow monks. He spent the rest of his life tending to the palm trees, a constant reminder of the hard-won lesson of forgiveness.
Forgiveness is one of the most difficult virtues that we humans attempt to practice. If showing simple kindness is an elementary level virtue and being a trustworthy friend is an intermediate virtue, forgiving others is an advanced virtue. Yet without the practice of forgiveness, I’m not sure how we can sustain any relationships or foster lasting communities in our world. Small wonder that author Annie Lamott observed that “Earth is forgiveness school.”
To be clear, forgiveness is not about excusing someone’s hurtful actions. Forgiveness is about releasing the burden of resentment and anger from our own hearts, rather than remaining forever captive to anger, hatred, and bitterness. Forgiveness is a choice we make to let go of the pain so that we can move toward healing, wholeness, and, if possible, even reconciliation.
While the church is meant to be a community of grace, it is filled with imperfect people. In fact, the church is the one community whose entrance requirement includes the confession that we are sinful and in need of a Savior. In other words, we will inevitably disappoint or hurt each other. In Ephesians 4:32, Paul taught Christians to “Be kind and compassionate to one another, forgiving each other, just as in Christ God forgave you.” Our ability to forgive is rooted in the transformative forgiveness we’ve received through Jesus. When we practice forgiveness, we testify to the very grace that has changed us.
Forgiveness is perhaps most difficult to practice within families. Living in such close proximity, family members inevitably say or do hurtful things. Jesus’ parable of the unmerciful servant in Matthew 18 tells the story of a servant who was forgiven a massive debt but refused to forgive a much smaller one. This parable highlights the hypocrisy of receiving God’s grace but refusing to show mercy to those who’ve wronged us. Choosing to forgive a family member doesn’t erase the past, but it frees us from being chained to it, opening the door to a new, healthier relationship. May God bless us as we practice forgiveness and grow in the grace of Christlikeness.
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