Some 15% of all couples of reproductive age are infertile, which is defined as being unable to conceive a child for at least a year without medical assistance. Infertility is very often the first major life crisis that a couple faces together. Ironically, the stress caused by this crisis often drives couples apart as they respond in emotionally divergent ways. For the woman in particular, infertility affects her relationships with her husband, her family and friends, and her God.
Depression among those struggling with infertility is just as severe as the depression experienced by those with life-threatening diseases such as cancer.
Within the Christian community, we may unwittingly add fuel to that fire. Churches pray and throw showers for pregnant moms. Churches honor parents each Mothers’ Day and Fathers’ Day. To be clear, I believe strongly that we should rejoice with those who rejoice. But we also must grow in our capacity to also mourn with those who mourn.
How can we improve in our expressions of compassion? First, we need to delete some unhelpful comments from our vocabulary: “Just relax and you’ll get pregnant.” “Oh well, you can always adopt.” “My sister went through that and she now has three kids.” “Try focusing on other aspects of your life.”
Andrea Schrock Wenger offers the following suggestions to churches seeking to minister better to those struggling with infertility.
1. Offer empathy.
2. Avoid giving advice.
3. Let the couple grieve.
4. Let them question God.
5. Pray for them.
6. Be forgiving of momentary outbursts.
7. Invite the sharing of feelings.
8. Bless the couple to skip church on days such as Mother’s Day.
9. Respect their pain when you share your good news.
10. Start a support group.
We are a congregation that celebrates and nurtures children and seeks to lift up parents as they raise their young ones in faith. As we do so, may we also keep a watchful eye and a tender heart toward those of our number who are waiting and praying for children of their own, or for whom children will never be a possibility.
Recent Comments